I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Randomize