Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
