What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
