what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
