So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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