I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
