You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
