I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
