Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
