just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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