like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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