If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
