Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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