she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
