you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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