you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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