im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
