awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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