is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
