You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
