Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
