he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
