wanna go halves on a baby?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
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