The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
