He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
