I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
