apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
