I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize