i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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