it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
