Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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