After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Randomize
