I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He did a backflip because drugs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
