we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
