the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
