I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
