I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
