he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
