I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
