he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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