her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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