i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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