You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
