Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize
