you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
