Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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