There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
