Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
