I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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