I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
