at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize