Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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