what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
