when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
