i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
It's official drugs can't kill me
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
