I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
