he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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