I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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