So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
