there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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