so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
