All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
