I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
