What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
