you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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