you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
