I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
