Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
