New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
