Quick, to the slutcave!
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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