Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
