Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Randomize
