Already got asked if we're dating
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
