You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
