??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You can't motorboat a personality
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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