my sisters under your porch take her home
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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