I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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