Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
