If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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