Well douche your snatch and let's go!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
