My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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