Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
