when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
