Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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