I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
vagina is talking i cant
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
