shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
