Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
