she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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