You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
