So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
