smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize