"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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